Personal Style in Midlife is about Loving Yourself for who you are now

The key to standout midlife style is about accepting and embracing who you are now - your colour palette, your body shape, your lifestyle - and wearing clothes that enhance not only your features and physique, but how you want to show up in the world.

This is about you - seeing yourself with kindness, and blooming into a new version of yourself. It's not about trends or about what other people think.

Why "Age Appropriate" isn't doing us any favours

One question I hear over and over from midlife women at my John Lewis Pop Up Shops - "Am I too old for this?" Well my answer is that the term "age appropriate" isn't doing us any favours. If we worry too much about what others think, it means that we're missing out on a wonderful opportunity to experiment and grow. Let's have fun with fashion in midlife, and rise with joy into who we are becoming.

(on a side note, I struggled with even using the term "midlife" as I don't like to be defined by my age, but I've realised that part of embracing who I am now is accepting that yes - I am middle aged - but I can bring my own spin to that, as can you!)

Why your style might feel lost in midlife...

If you're anything like me, your body, your lifestyle, your career and your sense of self has changed over and over in recent years. "Midlife" doesn't feel like a static era, it feels like constant transition. So it's not surprising we might feel lost as we keep having to re-assess our style to accommodate these shifts.

Life Changes that Shift How you Dress

What we need from our clothes changes as our lifestyle does. If we have a family, then our lifestyle shifts quickly as they grow.

I'm 51 this weekend. In my 40s I found myself in a new era, with 2 young kids (I had them late), so I needed my clothes to be mega-practical, as I needed to break out into a sprint at any given time to chase after my boisterous girls! If I sprinted once in my 30s it would have been in towering heels to get a round in before the bar closed at 11pm. What a huge life change.

Our Clothes can Shape How we Feel

When my girls were little, I learnt that bright colours give me much-needed energy. I learnt that a pair of shorts with tights and trainers is actually quite practical as well as feeling playful (I needed to feel fun, not "mumsy").

Now a year into my 50s, and things are shifting dramatically again. Work has become more of a focus as my kids get older. My body is changing fast. Menopause! My waist is getting bigger, and my legs feel heavier. I feel a natural draw towards more forgiving cuts and hemlines.

But I don't want to hide, and although frequently I'm tempted to, I'm trying every day not to shrink back, but to grow into this new version of myself with pride and self-compassion.

I'm currently working on all 7 of these steps below, and they help me to show up feeling energised. I haven't perfected them yet, but we're allowed to be a work in progress!

Step 1: Start with a loving look in the mirror

Accepting ourselves for who we are, and going beyond that to self-love and saying kind words to ourselves is the most fundamental step towards feeling your best - and that translates into great personal style!

Quiet Your Self Criticism

Start by quietening self-criticism when you look in the mirror - appreciate your body for all it does for you. I know it can feel hard, but negative self-talk and constantly criticizing ourselves isn't helping anyone.

Your body and face may be ageing fast, and you may have put on lots of weight, but the beauty of clothes is that they are tools to make the best of what we've got. Your body deserves to be loved, and you deserve to look good in what you wear every day!

Step 2: Choose your Best Colours

Colour is a powerful tool in the box to enhance what we've got, and make our natural colouring look beautiful.

When we wear colours that work in harmony with our hair, skin tone and eyes, then the overall effect is of radiance, and great personal style!

Get Intentional with Colour

You may already have a good sense of what colours suit you. Look closely at your clothes - hold them up against your face in the mirror to see which colours and textures really do work the best with your natural palette.

Colour can add radiance, or it can drain you

Set aside patterns or colours that may look draining against your skin, and consider giving them away or donating them to charity.

Look for the colours and fabrics in your wardrobe that lift your skin tone, and enhance your natural beauty.

The right colours, patterns and fabrics make us look more youthful and glowing, whereas those that don't work in harmony with our palette can age us and look draining.

If you want to enjoy all the benefits colour has to offer, consider booking a Colour Analysis session so that you feel empowered to wear your absolute best colours. It's a game-changer and helps with each of the 7 steps!

Step 3: Dress to Flatter Your Body Shape

As our body changes in mid-life, we want to ensure we're making the most of what we've got by enhancing our best features, and dressing to flatter our body shape.

Create Balance to Flatter Your Figure

Like Colour Analysis, dressing our body shape is all about harmony and balance. If you're bigger on the top half, then you'll want to balance that out with flared trousers and fuller skirts - whereas I look to add volume to the top half to balance out my bigger bottom half.

Structure as a Confidence Boost

Structure and tailoring really come into their own in midlife to help us feel put-together and confident (if that's how you want to feel). There's something about adding a belt to a jacket that gives you a confidence boost as it physically supports you!

Accept the New You

As our body shapes keep shifting with peri-menopause and then menopause, the key here is to accept the new version of you with love, and to recognise that your changing body deserves to be dressed beautifully in a flattering way. Let go of longing for a previous version of you, and embrace all the opportunity of this new era.

Likewise please don't hide away under voluminous layers, unless that truly enhances your look. We want to see your best features and your personality shine through in how you dress!

Step 4: Get honest about your lifestyle

Auditing How you Spend Your Time (not how you used to)

When you're shaping your wardrobe, you want to be realistic about what you actually spend your time doing. How many parties do you go to per month. How much of your time is spent in the office?

As your lifestyle shifts with your kids growing up, your career changing etc, don't depress yourself by keeping a disproportionate number of clothes in your wardrobe for events that hardly ever happen.

Matching your Wardrobe to a real week, not an aspirational one

For example I sometimes long to work in an office as part of a team, as I'd love having the excuse to dress up every day and wear nice shoes. The reality is that I work in my studio, and spend a lot of time in muddy fields walking the dog each day. There is little call for nice shoes, even though I love them.

At times I am tempted to buy smarter shoes for a life I don't currently have, but I know that not wearing them would then depress me.

So instead I invest in a nice new pair of trainers to lift me as I run around after the dog and kids. I'm bringing that aspiration to the reality of my life.

Step 5: Declutter and Edit Your Wardrobe Before You Shop

Once you've got clear on your best colours, the most flattering clothes for your body shape, and you've taken an honest look at your lifestyle, then it might well be time for a wardrobe declutter!

Keep Clothes that bring you Joy

The pieces you want to keep are the ones that tick the boxes above - and don't forget to keep hero pieces that bring you joy.

Fashion is meant to be fun, and if we wear clothes that bring us joy, it can lift our mood, and lift the mood of others around us too. Joyful clothes can help create joyful moments! So as you are decluttering, keep in mind how an item makes you feel when you wear it, and look for those pieces that bring you joy.

Colour is a great way of bringing joy to your wardrobe. Why not try a Colour Analysis session to discover the colours that you didn't expect to love, but that do look great on you!

Why you should streamline your wardrobe

Many of us hang on to clothes we don't wear for years. There are a multitude of reasons for this (I think this deserves a whole new blog post!), but if you want your wardrobe to serve you well, then you don't want to be rummaging every morning when you're in a rush to find what you need.

How to Let Go of clothes you're hanging on to

If you're anything like me, and you find it hard to part with pieces that you love, that did fit in with your previous life, but don't fit in with your life or bodyshape now - remember that you are making space for The Right pieces to make their way into your wardrobe, to enhance and uplift you.

Step 6: Think about how you're growing, and who you are becoming

Steps 4 and 5 are about being realistic about your current life, and letting go of the past, but I believe that aspiration doesn't have to go out the window completely.

Dreaming and Dressing go hand in hand

Dressing for a version of ourselves we want to become is fundamental to why so many of us love to dress up, and love clothes!

We all have goals and dreams, and so we should. That's part of what makes us unique. The key is to choose items that we can practically fit into our current lifestyle now, that give us the energy of who we want to become.

Choose pieces that give you a feeling you're longing for

So to take my life as an example - in my dream for my later years, I do have the events in my diary, and the occasion to dress up a lot! I can't wear the nice shoes now, but what I can wear is a sparkly headband. That gives me the feeling of the person I want to grow into, but I can realistically fit it into my life now.

In fact, embracing these items and wearing them regularly can help us feel uplifted, and help us actually fulfil our goals and dreams. They are a powerful tool.

Dressing for Confidence

The stay-at-home mum who dreams of running her own business might choose to add an empowered touch to her daily dress like a luxe bag for example, to help give her the confidence she needs to make a change!

Even if your goal is just to "feel more confident" then choosing your clothes to push yourself into a more confident version of you - for example wearing brighter colours - has a powerful effect.

Step 7: Don't forget to Inject Joy into your Wardrobe (and Life!)

Back to Joy again, because this is a big one.

When I style women at my John Lewis Pop Up Shops, it is wonderful to see how much joy we get from choosing a special outfit for a wedding, or a party.

As we enter midlife, these special events sometimes become less frequent, and then the more joy there is in dressing for them!

Bring Creativity into your Daily Dress

I love seeing women put together a mother-of-the-bride outfit, or an outfit for a special New Year's Eve party. The care and creativity that goes into this is a delight to behold.

Embrace this - have fun with fashion, bring this joy into your everyday dressing - it doesn't have to be saved for special occasions!

Take Time to Experiment with your Wardrobe

Take some time - maybe 20 minutes a week - to experiment with putting different items together in your wardrobe, so that when you're getting dressed in a hurry on a Monday, you've got a great combination up your sleeve.

When you bring joy to your clothes, it infuses joy in your life!

Common Style Mistakes Women Make in Midlife

Why Chasing Trends can work against you

No midlife woman want to look frumpy, and whilst it can be fun to follow a trend if it fits in with your style, chasing trends too closely won't mean that you look "modern".

Instead, focus on what truly flatters you and what you love to wear. Develop your personal style. This will in turn make you feel more confident, which gives you an undeniable magnetism.

How you carry yourself and how you feel about yourself are the key to great personal style!

Why Seeking Style Approval from others isn't the Be All

We all love the affirmation that comes from a compliment, and we all want to fit in with our friends. That's a basic fact of human psychology.

Yes - let those compliments land and say thank you rather than deflecting them!

But simultaneously, as you grow older, learn to trust your own judgement more, and remember that you are dressing as an act of self-love. Once you've developed your signature style, you should be able to shop with confidence without a friend or partner telling you what you should buy.

Not everyone will like what you choose, but that's OK! You're dressing for yourself. Own it beautiful!

I hope you've loved my 7 Steps towards finding your Personal Style in Midlife. Do comment below and let me know what you think of the steps. I'd love to hear from you.